is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
