she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
