i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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