the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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