I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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