If that was your dad, he is hot
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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