you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
