I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize