There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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