UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
