I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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