Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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