we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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