I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
