wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
