I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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