he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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