I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize