listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
