shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
