Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
