so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There's always time for handjobs
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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