He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
