let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
