btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
