He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
