I checked into jail on foursquare
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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