she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize