it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
