Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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