Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
