Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
