Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
