I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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