just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
