No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
