end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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