and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
look no pants
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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