i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
