once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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