just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
