last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
