I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize