theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
