remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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