i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
