I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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