Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
