According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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