She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My dick has a subreddit
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
