planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
