I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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