I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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