everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm having to shit out rocks
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