I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
