sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
