We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
