After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
