Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
