all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
