I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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