Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
