Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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