FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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