The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We were destined to go to rehab together
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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