She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize