How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize