I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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