From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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