It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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