I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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