yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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